Parson Dean - Part 2

Part one of this journey has already served a larger purpose. Many of you have reached out and said "my child is going through something similar" or "can I please share this with a friend who is on the same journey?" The answer is always yes. Thats the reason I'm writing this all down. So other families, mothers, children know its not just them. They are not in it alone. So please by all means share this journey to whom ever you think would benefit.


If you missed part one of Parsons journey, you can find it here. 


As I watched the bus drive away on that day September 2016, I was choosing joy and happiness. I was determined that it was going to make a difference and that this year was going to be great. Hannah was about to turn one, I had three days a week to focus on Wyatt and Hannah, and I had almost completed my training program to run a half marathon in a few weeks. It was going to be a great fall.

P got off the bus a little after 3pm that afternoon and said his day was great. He loved school and loved riding the bus. I had thousands of questions that I didn't ask because I knew he wouldn't answer. I didn't get a call from the school that afternoon.  Day two went the same way.

Then there was day three of the 2016/2017 school year. I was standing at the end of our street waiting for the bus to drop P off. My phone rang and I felt my stomach drop and when I saw it was the school. It was his teacher telling me the same things she told me the year before. Asking what I thought we should try this year. We came up with a plan to send him to the hallway to read for a few moments to gather himself and then he could try and return to the classroom.

Fast forward to day ten of the 2016/2017 school year. I again, was waiting at the end of the street for the bus. My phone rang. It was Parsons teacher again saying what  we were doing wasn't working and that it was time to get the principal involved.  Insert the same feelings of fear, anxiety, and wanting to hide under a rock.

I get the appointment made with the principal, Aaron, and his teacher. We talked about Parsons behavior at school, how it was effecting the classroom, and tried to hash out a plan of attack. At this point I really felt like we were all on the same team. What can we do to make this work for everyone. We came up with a similar plan but he would sit in the office and read instead of the hallway. We also were going to try to have the reading intervention teacher sit next to him during class. Not to help with reading, the kid started reading at age 4. She was there to help try and keep hum focused so the teacher didn't have to redirect all the time. Yay, for supervision.

Hannah had a one year well check with our pediatrician. While we were there she asked about P and school. I gave her a quick run down of whats going on. She said it sounds a lot like a 5 year old trying to adjust to school and gave us a wonderful list of things to try.

Ill say quickly this. Your pediatrician is a game changer in situations like this. You need to be able to trust them, trust their judgement. Fortunately, for us this is the case. But if its not the case for you, change. Change doctors until you find someone who is going to help fight for your child.

Armed with my list of things to try from the pediatrician. I hit up Amazon Prime.  I ordered books, a wiggle seat, band for his chair, and a few palm sized quiet fidgets. (Not fidget spinners) I called the school and talked with Parsons teacher about the list of things his pediatrician recommended.

The school didn't allow a few of the things that the pediatrician recommended because they thought it would be too distracting for other students. I get it. It does not mean it wasn't frustrating. The wiggle seat went in the hall with P when he needed to gather himself instead of staying on his desk chair. The fidget was allowed during certain times of the day. These things worked for a week or so.

We were now in the second week of November. I got an email from the principal inviting me to have tea with her. My first thought was crap, this is it. They are going to kick him out of school. So, I created a plan to battle the inevitable conversation to come the next week.

Parsons teacher for K4 and K5 (preschool/kindergarten) is a well experienced and competent teacher. I sat in on his class and was just amazed at how well she connected and taught the kids with so much love and grace. It was apparent that she loved her students. She, with 30+ years of teaching experience had encountered other students with challenges. I don't think that she could have handled this situation any better than she did.

I lined up a sitter for the little kids. My mother in law, who walked a very similar road with Aaron when he was a child. I left for our tea meeting feeling like I was going to vomit the whole way.

I got to the school and was greeted by the principal who was very kind. Our conversation started with her saying "Parson is a wonderful child and we are by no means kicking him out." After that it was one of those moments where everything she said after that sounded like Charlie Browns teacher.

At that moment I didn't know if I was going to throw up, cry, scream or all of it at once. Somehow I managed to get myself together. This was the first moment when I felt like we were the "enemy." I don't think this was the point and this not what she was trying to do, its just what it felt like. She continued saying things like "Teacher is unable to teach the class" and "the other students are suffering." Thankfully I had a pretty good idea that this was coming so I was prepared.

I said to her "We are pulling him out to homeschool him." It was official he was done with traditional kindergarten almost completely. Thats not what the school wanted and its not what I wanted. We figured out a plan where we would follow the schools curriculum at home and Parson would come to school for three hours one day a week.

With that part of the meeting over, the next part started. The principal pulled out a stack of papers and said "These are some things id like you to read over". It was different articles about pedatric anxiety, Tourettes, ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder, and Aspergers syndrome. De'javu. This happened two years ago. Someone telling me somethings not right, they don't know what, but he does not fit here. She told me that Holland Public Schools could come in and do an evaluation but that it was a long process. I just needed to submit a written request.

After this meeting I drove home. Mad. The whole way thinking, is there really no place for children like Parson? I know for a fact he is not the only one, surely not the only one in our town. I talked with Aaron about the meeting and we decided to submit the request for the evaluation.

Writing a request for an evaluation is strange. Dear Mr or Mrs so and so, I think something is wrong with my child. I have no idea what but my uneducated guesses are xyz, an so on and so fourth. We finished the letter and sent it.

P at this point was noticing other people noticing. They were playing a game at school before we took him out called "bad student". You'll never guess who was playing the "bad kid", Parson. The teacher ended it as soon as she saw it. But it happened, he knew. We needed to protect him from this.

Everything stopped after this. The running, the training stopped the half marathon never happened.  Everything revolved around homeschooling and surviving. Making sure that Hannah and Wyatts needs were met fully while homeschooling. Learning everything I could about Charlotte Mason and Ambleside curriculum. I was embraced by two sweet friends who were seasoned homeschoolers, letting me borrow books, adding me to Facebook groups, offering prayers and encouragement. This was normal for the next six months.

We heard back pretty quickly from HPS and were assigned a child psychologist named Jackie. Jackie was like our night and shining armor at this point. She and her team held the key, or so we hoped to understanding our sweet boy.

We had our initial meeting with Jackie, the principal, teacher and the reading intervention teacher who sat by P in class for a while. Then there was Aaron and I. We all chatted about what we saw in Parson, his personality, our concerns and the schools concerns. I cried, a ton. Well I shed many many tears in these meetings and many more in the meetings to come. Tears of fear and mostly desperation.

We had the dates set. Over the next 10 weeks P would be evaluated at school. He would be pulled from the classroom, which was no big because he didn't spend much time in there anyhow. He'd be evaluated by Jackie the school psychologist, an occupational therapist, speech therapist, social worker, and later two people from the OAISD. Six therapists were going to evaluate and give us a very good look at the little guy P was.

Outside of this small group of people. Only three or four other people knew that this evaluation was happening. We didn't tell anyone for a very long time. We didn't know what to say, we didn't want to answer all the questions, we didn't want to be a topic of discussion. It was isolating.

It was a long 10 weeks. So many questionnaires to fill out. Some about behavior, some about your relationship with your child, their siblings, and discipline. Evaluations that were like a small books of questions to be filled out by Aaron, Parsons teacher and I. Some for the school psychologist, some for OT, some for the social worker. He had evaluations at school and at the therapists offices.

After the long wait we had our final READ meeting. It was a meeting with all of the therapists, teachers, principal, Aaron and I. It was set to take place the first week of January 2017.

We arrived at the meeting so nervous and hopeful. We thought this is it. This is when we can get him the help he needs to thrive! We went over the almost 30 page evaluation. Each person on the team taking their turn to explain their portion. It was so eyeopening. Mr. Steve, the OT gave us a look at the way Parsons brain works like we'd never heard before. They are telling us exactly what we've seen and known. He's very bright, academically strong, socially week, sensory issues, excellent problem solving, that his brain cannot process information properly. Periodically wiping my eyes through the whole evaluation. Hearing each of them speak so fondly of him, which at this point we are not used to hearing.

We get to the end. Jackie looks at us and says, we have enjoyed Parson so much and we are going to miss seeing him so often. He is a sweet, kind, bright and brought us such joy. The result of the evaluation is that he does NOT qualify for services through Holland Public Schools.

Wait. What? Did you all not just tell us again, that something is not right? That he does fit, that he need help? His brain isn't processing information correctly, that he is struggling? Yes, thats what they said. But yet again, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to confirm a written SPD, ASD, Aspergers diagnosis. He's too engaged, he has too much empathy.

We are completely defeated. After all of this. Nothing. Jackie slides me a card with some information on it. She said this is my friend. She's the president of the parent committee for the ISD in your district. She knows you'll  be contacting her. She can help you with next steps. After that all of the therapists are feeling exactly what I'm feeling. They offer hugs, words of encouragement, gave us their phone numbers to call them and ask for help anytime in their off hours.

All the therapists left and it was just Aaron, the school staff and I. We made our way into a small office in the school and we all sat silent for some time. The principal prayed, all of us were emotional. None of us expected this. Whats next? We didn't know. I would take the evaluation to the pediatrician and reach out to Jackie friend to see where we go from here.

-Patty