Thursday, April 25, 2013

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I have neglected you...

I have thought many times "oh I should blog about that" but then I don't because of who knows what...usually exhaustion.

Ill be honest, the Lord has been working in my life and heart a lot the past few months. Mostly because I have a tendency to not be happy with what he has provided me with. I am a pro at looking at whats next and what the end goal is instead of enjoying the present.

The entirety of my life all I have ever wanted to do was be a Mom to a million kids. And being a Mom of one child is amazing, fulfilling, exhausting, and the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

Aaron and I wanted (want) to have another child a year ago badly. But it just is not in the cards for us right now. Because this is not in the cards for us right now, I have been..well mad. Mad because it seems like everyone around us is living life exactly they way they want. I am mad because everyone has an opinion about when and why and how we should do things. I am all about advice and tips and pointers and 9 times out of 10 I listen and understand and appreciate advice.

Now I know that sound awful and terrible and mean...and it is. I can write this now because the Lord has worked in my heart and showed me they way we (I) had been feeling. Every time we saw someone else pregnant, a new baby anything along the lines it made me want to burst into tears. Knowing that I could get pregnant and have another baby..but it would be the most irresponsible thing to do.

1.) Because we don't have health insurance that covers maternity care
2.) We don't qualify for maternity medicare
3.) We don't have the 5k extra to have a home birth (yes I know everyone we know thinks we are crazy)
4.) We don't have 20-50k to have a hospital birth

Know, my excuse now is "we are not ready"or "Parson is not ready" and that may be why another baby is not happening in the next who knows how long. In due time the Lord will show us his plan and  in the mean time we do have

1.) A sweet crazy full of energy two year old
2.) A wonderful marriage
3.) A home, food, clothing
4.) Friends with babies we can love on until our second time comes
5.) Being a stay at home Mom which is a dream come true
6.) Starting a gentle "preschool home school" curriculum with Parson

So if you have been on the receiving end of our grouchy selves, we are was just us being selfish and ungrateful.

But if you can refrain from asking "When are you having another baby" "Don't you want more kids?" "Its better when they are close in age" or telling us any other reason we should or should not have a baby now. Because it has a tendency to make those ugly grouchy ungrateful feelings re-appear.

In the mean time we are going to enjoy the heck out of Parson. He is at such a wonderful age and this is the only time it will be just the three of us.

I will not be blogging much because I am busy enjoying every second of my fabulous first child's first few years.