A few months ago I read one of those posts that says "You can't pour from and empty cup, take care of yourself first". I thought, that's right! I matter and I'm going to choose a goal and make time for me and make it happen. My family will be just fine.
So, I decided to take up running. Training for a half marathon to be exact. I LOVE running. For 11 weeks I ran regularly 3-4 times a day. The first 8 weeks were physically challenging and not too time consuming. It was an easy way for me to get out for 30min to an hour a day. It was cleansing for my soul to. I felt so great after a run!
I got to run races with my bestie. We got to talk about all things running and connect and share a same interest on a different level than we had in a while. It was glorious!
The training runs got longer. I kept saying it's only 9 more weeks. You need to fill your cup first, remember your better when you do this. Except I wasn't feeling better.
I mean physically yes! I lost weight, I ran ten miles without stopping, which had been a goal of mine for a long time! I was connecting with my friends and making time for me!
Something was missing. I was missing precious time. Precious hours during the week. Dinners and bedtimes. Aaron would get home from work and I'd have dinner ready. Instead of sitting down to eat with my family, I left him at the table with the kids and I would go run. Taking care of me, right?
Why was I feeling so awful when I was supposed to be feeing great? When I was filling my own cup? Achieving my own goals?
I realized a few things. First. I really do LOVE running. I got my body strong enough to run eleven miles. That felt so good. I had a goal and I was SO close to reaching it. Two. My family is what fills my cup right now. I was missing so much. To many it may seem like nothing. What's a few hours a week? To me, to my life right now, those hours are precious.
It came down to priority. What were my priorities? I choose them.
I chose my kids and my husband. Not because I felt like I had to. Not because Aaron couldn't do it. I chose them because they fill my cup.
Someday, I won't have faces to wipe. I won't have early bedtime stories to tell and bath water to be splashed by. Someday I will have time to run all the miles I want.
Until then, I'm proud of how hard I ran and how many hours I made happen per week.
People fill their cups there own unique ways. No one way works for each person and one way is wrong. This, this is what's right for me.